Blog Post 2 - And so it continues, on and on

 When does this nightmare end? It starts to feel like everything is set on a never-ending loop.

Also, You’re your own source of therapy at some point. It’s terribly difficult to come to this conclusion, especially if you already meet with a therapist. How can someone so inexperienced (you) become the soothsayer to their own troubled mind and damaged brain lobes? Well, what did you do in the past when you were troubled? Did someone you trusted, respected or loved talk you down, or did you handle your mess of emotions yourself?

When everything inevitably starts to feel overwhelming, you realistically only have yourself to turn to, as you’re the one living and functioning in this shell of what you once were.

So, what’s the best next step forward, and who should you trust to instruct you on that? A therapist, the fractured remains of your brain, or the sentiments of a brain you once knew well as as the big, pink organ living upstairs that you somehow battered, bashed and spun into a battered mess of what it once was. Or, should you now default to the confused and biased heart thumping in your chest? I consider it biased now because it always wants to instill false hope within you that everything will be alright, which is a disconnect between what your brain and the experts around you are all saying. After all, it’s not like you can just pick up the pieces around you and restore the glorified image of what your life and abilities once were. Just how much have you lost, or will you lose? It’s now time to hold on tight to this evolving life of yours and find out over the next however many years it’ll take for you to consider the hellish nightmare over. Can you decide that yourself, or do you need an expert’s decision? I guess that depends on how disabled you are.

Each disability has a name and unfortunately begins to define how you function, whether that’s physically, cognitively, mentally, or emotionally. It’s hard to imagine that all of that could be taken from you in the blink of an eye.

One second, you’re living and thriving in whatever version of life you’ve created for yourself up until that point. Was it everything that you ever dreamed of, or is this now an unrealistic opportunity to reset everything and have a second chance at life? You haven’t gotten younger, or went back in time, but how many people get this rare chance to redefine themselves as a new, “improved” adaptation of who they were and now will be?

Is this a blessing or a curse when you look at it that way? Well, I guess that depends on whether you believe that you have what it takes to restore all of the maligned primary functions that you’ll need to rebuild what was and restore yourself into a new and improved you.

So, how do you assess what needs to recover and return? For some, it’ll be as easy as it was for me to determine this. Can you speak clear enough so that every new person clearly understands you? How about chewing and swallowing everything that enters your mouth? Walk, or equally move both sides of your body?

How about doing everything at home that you once did without any doubt in your now troubled mind? Unfortunately, going to the bathroom and toileting may look different now, depending upon the extent of your disabilities. Heck, you might be a brain injury survivor without any!

Still, are the memories of what happened in the aftermath of your injury, and the label that comes with it, a disability? No, you’re a survivor!

In many cases, brain injury survivors literally avoided death, whether that’s during the incident itself, or in the hospital afterwards.

So, how do you break out of this monotonous cycle of therapy, work at home and work on yourself, whether that’s internal, or work on your weakened or disabled limbs?

There’s a lot that can be said about how much you’ll lose by laying in a hospital bed for however long you’re there. Muscle mass, hope, grasp on reality, abilities, and your past, whether that means a career, relationships, or prospects for a better life that you had once dreamed of.

What will you dream of now? How about getting back on your feet for the big reset of the new life that’s now waiting for you to lead it somewhere new and exciting?

New doesn’t sound so exciting anymore, right? This whole brain injury and the aftermath of it is new! What else is new and exciting out there?

Just think about this golden opportunity to meet others just like you, find out more about yourself, and possibly gain new hobbies and valuable insight along the way. How long is “the way?” Try not to get caught up on that!

It’s different for everyone, and all depends on how much work you’re willing to put in, the amounts of determination and motivation you have, and how you treat yourself during all of that.

Will you accept a down-in-the-dumps version of yourself that swaddles through life now, waiting for the big break that’ll never come without lifting your chin and putting your nose to the grindstone?

So much of your recovery from a brain injury comes down to how you treat yourself afterwards. Are you a friend or foe to yourself?

Imagine that you had just met you. In that situation, how would you treat yourself? Constantly aspire to be that friendly person to the bruised and beatdown you that could really use a kind inner dialogue, both from your brain and heart.

So, what worked best for me? I spent a lot of time with other brain injury survivors wherever I could. For you, that might mean seeking out brain injury support groups, volunteering or participating at organizations that specifically support them. I also highly recommend regularly meeting with a therapist (the psychologist kind) to tackle the barriers that your brain injury mounted in your head as a form of self-defense. They’re difficult to break down or penetrate so that you can move ahead with the necessary next step: acceptance. One of the most difficult things I dealt with during my recovery was learning about and conditioning myself for brain injury acceptance, since it’s now vital to accept that everything has changed, most of it will never return to what it once was, and that you’ll really have to dig deeper than you ever have to return to some semblance of what you once were. Welcome to the new you! Who will it be? Someone you and others around you can admire and hopefully respect!